Week 12- Divorce

 This week we talked about divorce. 70% of people regret divorce and wished they could have repaired their marriage. The most common reason people get divorced is because it was not “as fun as they thought it would be.” People set unrealistic expectations for marriage and think it is a fairy tale and they live happily ever after. Marriage takes a lot of work and people do not realize that. There are lots of happy times, but there are also hard times. Some couples get married and are not prepared for those times. When life gets tough they can sometimes turn against each other and freak out and it can end their marriage. Some people also think that when something goes wrong that it is because they married the ‘wrong person.’ I believe that it is not all about the right or wrong person, it is about how you handle marriage and putting work into it. Before you marry someone, you should see them when they are dealing with frustration. It can be dangerous when you marry someone without seeing them at their worst. That is why my mom told me to date someone for all of the seasons. You can see them when they are sad, mad, scared, frustrated, etc. None of that should be a surprise after you get married. One major reason for divorce is pornography. Pornography can affect women and men. I have people close to me in my life who have struggled or still struggle with this addiction. I have seen first-hand how it can destroy relationships. I have an uncle who was addicted and it ended his marriage as well as his career. It has impacted his kids and hurt a lot of people. His kids did not grow up in a regular household and it’s gotten so messy in their family that their kids came and stayed with my family for christmas instead of their own. Pornography can lead to cheating which can and sometimes should end a marriage. If you or a spouse is dealing with this addiction, seek help. Talk to your bishop and pray to God. Seek the help of family members so you have a team helping you. Having temptation is not going to end a marriage, but how you respond to those temptations can. 
In one story, a child of divorce is 12, the father lives an average of 400 miles away. Why would a father do this? One reason could possibly be work, but the number one reason is the mom of the children will actually move away, bringing them with her. The reason for bringing this up is because sometimes fathers will have a bad rap. People will frown upon the father not living near the children, but it is not always their fault. There are lots of issues with custody when it comes to divorce. The children are often shared between parents, but one parent needs primary custody, usually mom. This is difficult for children because as they grow up and become teenagers they want to hangout with their friends and do the activities they are interested in, but they have to go to their other parent’s house. Legally, the custody is shared, but in reality the child is spending time with mostly the parent with primary custody. 
Overall, it is so much better to get to know the person you want to marry really well, and also realize marriage has struggles. Do not give up when you face your first hard challenge after getting married. It takes two, and especially when you have children together, you should always try your best to fix the situation before considering divorce.

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